A few weeks ago, I took my baby to get her 1-year immunizations. I really like the nurse, she’s always kind and friendly, but during this visit, we had an exchange that caught me off guard. She asked if my baby girl was sleeping through the night. I told her no, she wakes up about 2-4 times during the night, and the nurse seemed surprised. “Oh, she’s not sleeping through the night yet?” she asked. I reassured her that it was completely normal for babies to wake up during the night, and I wasn’t concerned about it. She then asked, “Is she well-established with solids?” I said, yes, and she responded with, “So I wonder why she wakes up then.” Again, I mentioned that night wakings are totally normal at this stage, and before I could explain further, my baby started crying from the injections, and the conversation ended.

That interaction made me realise just how deeply ingrained societal expectations are when it comes to baby sleep. The assumption that babies should be sleeping through the night by a certain age often leaves parents feeling like they're doing something wrong if their baby doesn't meet that milestone. If this had been me with my first daughter—before I knew what I know now—I would have been incredibly worried.

In this post, I want to share how to challenge these societal norms and myths around baby sleep, and empower you to trust your instincts and feel confident in your choices—especially when others, like the nurse, may not fully understand your approach.

Common Baby Sleep Myths

There are so many baby sleep myths out there that can leave parents feeling stressed or unsure of themselves. You’ve probably heard things like, “Your baby should be sleeping through the night by 6 months,” or “If you feed your baby to sleep, they’ll never learn to self-soothe.” Then there’s the idea that co-sleeping will ruin your child’s independence, or that night waking means there’s something wrong with your baby. These myths aren’t just untrue—they can create unnecessary pressure on parents and lead to unrealistic expectations about what’s normal for baby sleep.

The truth about what babies really need

These myths don’t reflect the reality of how babies sleep and what they truly need during their early years. Here’s the truth:

1. Babies need support to fall asleep.

Babies often prefer gentle support to fall asleep—whether that’s rocking, feeding, warmth, or comfort. These methods help them feel safe and secure. Sleep training and the "cry it out" approach may not be necessary or even beneficial for all babies, especially when their need for comfort is high (Bruni et al., 2014; Paavonen et al., 2020).

2. Babies require frequent overnight feedings.

Because their stomachs are small and they’re growing rapidly, babies need to feed often through the night to fuel their development. It’s completely normal for babies under two years to wake up multiple times to eat, even if they are already on solids (Brown & Harries, 2015).

3. Babies need love and to feel secure.

Babies naturally seek comfort and reassurance from their caregivers. It’s common for them to cry when placed down alone, especially at night. They want to feel loved, secure, and connected to their caregiver, which is why they often resist being separated, particularly in the early months (Hysing et al., 2014; Paavonen et al., 2020).

4. Babies prefer to sleep close to a grown-up caregiver.

Babies feel safest when they are near their primary caregivers, especially their birth mother. Their smell, warmth, and heartbeat provide familiarity and comfort. This is why many babies (and parents) naturally gravitate toward co-sleeping or sleeping in close proximity to their caregiver, particularly in the early months (Paavonen et al., 2020).

5. Babies may wake up at night several times during their first few years.

Night wakings are completely normal during the first few years of life, and they often increase during developmental milestones such as teething, growth spurts, or emotional shifts (Bruni et al., 2014; Hysing et al., 2014). These wakings are a sign of normal growth and are not necessarily linked to sleep problems.

6. Babies do not follow a strict schedule.

Babies’ sleep patterns are dynamic and change as they grow. While some may naturally consolidate sleep earlier than others, many babies’ sleep schedules will continue to shift through the first few years. This is a normal part of development, and there is no “one-size-fits-all” sleep plan (Paavonen et al., 2020; Brown & Harries, 2015).

How to handle societal pressures

1. Trust your instincts:

You know your baby best. If your instincts are telling you that your baby needs extra comfort at night, trust that. Research shows that babies waking up during the night is normal, and their needs for comfort and care are natural (Bruni et al., 2014). Trusting your instincts will help you stay confident in your decisions.

2. Own your parenting choices and set boundaries when needed.

If others question your decisions—whether it’s co-sleeping, feeding to sleep, or responding to your baby’s cries—it’s okay to respond confidently. These choices are valid and rooted in love and care. A calm response like, “I appreciate your concern, but this is what works best for us right now,” allows you to focus on what truly matters: your baby’s well-being.

3. Know this is temporary:

Babies’ sleep patterns are temporary and evolve over time. Remind yourself that this phase will pass, and your baby’s sleep will gradually become more consolidated. Research shows that sleep patterns change as babies grow, so what feels like a never-ending cycle of night wakings is often just a phase (Paavonen et al., 2020).

4.Surround yourself with support:

Look for online communities or local groups that support gentle sleep approaches and embrace the diversity of parenting styles. Connecting with other parents who understand the challenges you’re facing can help you feel less isolated and more confident in your choices.

5. Acknowledge the emotional impact:

Parenting, especially when it comes to sleep struggles, can be emotionally exhausting. It’s normal to feel vulnerable and overwhelmed at times. Recognize these feelings and give yourself grace. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.

If you ever meet a nurse—or anyone—who questions your baby’s sleep habits like the one I did, feel free to redirect them to this post! It’s packed with truths about baby sleep, debunks common myths, and encourages parents to trust their instincts. Together, we can challenge outdated expectations and help more families feel confident in their parenting choices.

References

- Brown, A., & Harries, V. (2015). ‘Infant sleep and night feeding patterns during later infancy: Association with breastfeeding frequency, daytime complementary food intake, and infant weight’. Breastfeeding Medicine, 10(5), 246-252.

- Bruni, O., Baumgartner, E., Sette, S., Ancona, M., Caso, G., Di Cosimo, M.E., Mannini, A., Ometto, M., Pasquini, A., Ulliana, A., Ferri, R. (2014). ‘Longitudinal study of sleep behaviour in normal infants during the first year of life’. Journal Clinical Sleep Medicine, 10, 1119–1127.

- Hysing, M., Harvey, A. G., Torgersen, L., Ystrom, E., Reichborn-Kjennerud, T., & Sivertsen, B. (2014). ‘Trajectories and predictors of nocturnal awakenings and sleep duration in infants’. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 35(5), 309-316.

- Paavonen, E.J., Saarenpää-Heikkilä, O., Morales-Munoz, I., Virta, M., Häkälä, N., Palki, P., Kylliäinen, A., Karlsson, H., Paunio, T., & Karlsson, L. (2020). ‘Normal sleep development in infants: findings from two large birth cohort’’. Sleep Medicine, 69, 145-154.